Peaceful and sure of himself, a devotee does not take sides on an issue. He accepts all points of view as valid, but maintains a healthy detachment from everyone. Being impartial, fair, and just, he is respected by all.
A devotee does not nurse grievances. He is forgiving and tries to cultivate forbearance. In the words of Sri Shankaracharya, "Forbearance means suffering all afflictions without caring for their redress, being free at the same time from anxiety or lamentation on that score." (Vivekachudamani, 24)
An incident from Sri Ramakrishna's life illustrates the point. Chandra Haldar, Mathur's family priest in the Kalighat temple, was jealous of Sri Ramakrishna for the devotion Mathur lavished on him, and was determined to put a stop to it. One day Sri Ramakrishna lay in a dark outer room of Mathur's Jan Bazar house in a half-conscious state, when the priest suddenly entered. There was no one else nearby. The man pushed the Master several times and said, "Well, tell me how you hypnotized Mathur Babu." Sri Ramakrishna kept silent, for he did not have the power to speak then. Getting no answer to his repeated queries, the priest was exasperated and kicked the Master several times with great force, and then went away. Sri Ramakrishna knew what the consequences would be if the matter were reported to Mathur. So he kept it to himself.
Since a devotee has learnt to offer both joy and sorrow to God, he remains unperturbed by others or by any event. He does not agitate others by his thought, word, or deed, and does not find fault with anyone.
If someone has a misunderstanding with him, he does not unduly worry about it. His goal is not social acceptance by trying to please everyone, but growing in devotion to God. He tries to put his mind more on God than on anything else. Bhavanath was a devotee of Sri Ramakrishna. He once said to the Master: "I feel disturbed if I have a misunderstanding with someone. I feel that in that case I am not able to love all." The Master replied, "Try at the outset to talk to him and establish a friendly relationship with him. If you fail in spite of your efforts, then don't give it another thought. Take refuge in God. Meditate on Him. There is no use in giving up God and feeling depressed from thinking about others."
A true devotee has neither favorites nor enemies. If someone shows ill will toward him, he does not feel slighted and does not reciprocate. In Sri Ramakrishna's parable of the snake and the brahmachari (The Gospel of Sri Ramakrishna, 85), the Master instructs people living in society to hiss at wicked people to frighten them away, but never to inject their venom into them and injure them. A devotee believes that the Divine Mother is his real mother, God his father, devotees of God his near and dear ones, and the entire world his home. (Sri Shankaracharya's "Hymn to Annapurna", 12)
It is natural for the mind to crave appreciation and be piqued by criticism. A true devotee believes that all high points in his life are due to God's grace. He does not take credit for them. He distances himself from his body and mind, offering all his actions to God. Praise and blame do not touch his ego, which has become "ripe." He strengthens the feeling that he is a servant of God or an integral part of Him.
(To be continued)